Farmer Forecast: Shoulder Pads Back With Vengeance (And Other 2017 Predictions)

I did not even know the Old Farmer’s Almanac was still published. That’s why I jumped at the opportunity to preview its 2017 edition to see what kind of interesting insights and timely trends I could glean from it.

Turns out, the publication is chock-full of random information that may or may not be useful to someone. It offers some good gardening tips, but the most enjoyable part of flipping through the almanac was checking out the advertisements.

Some of my favorite ads:

  • SquattyPotty: Did you know you’ve been going to the bathroom wrong? I had no idea. According to this interesting little invention, “studies show the natural squat posture relieves symptoms of constipation and hemorrhoids.” Thanks to the SquattyPotty, you can enjoy “fast, easy elimination.” #Whew #ThatWasClose

  • Athena Pheromones: This not-sold-in-stores product promises to increase your attractiveness and lasts up to six months when used daily. To note: not guaranteed to work for everyone; will work for most. #SadFace

  • The Vermont Bun Baker XL: It’s just a giant wood cook-stove, but the name really cracks me up. #BringMeABunBaker

  • North Country Wind Bells: You can order from six different collections and hundreds of options to personalize your bells. I may be adding “Earth’s Inner Tones” to my Christmas list this year. #HarkHearTheBells

  • Mohican Wind Harps: Here’s another interesting ad for a little-known musical instrument. You can enjoy this harp sculpture as a centerpiece in your garden, yard or deck. #BringOnTheWind

  • Better Sex for a Lifetime Video Series: Designed for any age, you get free shipping and four free videos when you purchase the original three for only $29.90. Thank you, Sinclair Institute. #StealOfADeal

  • Vacurect: The non-invasive solution to erectile dysfunction (ED)…a penis pump. Here’s the interesting thing: you can’t actually order the product; you simply request a free patient information kit. #DebbieDowner

So, hilarious ads aside, the almanac really does offer interesting information. Everything you read should be taken with a grain of salt, although shortly after I wrote this article, I discovered a good friend had purchased a kohlrabi at the Red River Market. This past weekend, my husband sampled a Kohlrabi Apple Slaw. Who knew?

Check out the entire article about other predictions from the almanac here.


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